Tag Archives: friends

Show me your friends

12 Nov

I have tried to guard my heart and my life carefully but in the process perhaps I’ve pruned too closely?

I had a reminiscing weekend this past week. I went back to my alma mater for the first time in 10 years. Getting lost and looking at the renovations all over the campus was oddly emotional for me. I thought about all the friends I made in those dorms and in those classes. How many of those people who were my entire world back then am I still in touch with? Which of the ones I still talk to do I have as rich a relationship as we did back then?

I can count on one hand the close friends I still have from my college days eventhough I hung thick as thieves with  at least two groups of people. Now, I could say the current state of affairs is the way I chose to have it, but have i replaced my old friends with newer, shiny ones?

I could just admit that my standards are unrealistic and I have often cut off people that I no longer approve of.

In truth I struggle when my friends have chosen a path that I do not agree with or when I see a character flaw in them. Rather than speak my mind and risk their anger, I just slowly back away. I tell myself in doing this that I’m not being judgmental, but I am, aren’t I?

So how do you continue in relationship with someone you once cut off or let slip away? Can we find the worthy elements of our friendship without being caught up in the parts of us both that are broken and messy and ugly? Can we reclaim the intimacy that was lost? Has too much time passed and the neglect worn out any trust or goodwill for the friendship that existed?

I realize these are dangerous questions with consequences for what I choose to do with the answers to them. I guess all I know is that I miss the close camaraderie of those college days and it’s within my power to at least seek that out again, even if it needs to be with a different cast of characters…



13 Aug

Many people tell my husband that he’s spoiled; and he is.  With it just being the two of us for now, he gets a lot of pampering.  And it works for us: he has health issues that generally require him to have a very minimal amount of stress, and I like to feel like I’m taking care of business on the home front.

I mentioned in one of my recent posts that work was stupid crazy last week.  By the end of the day on Thursday, I was going out of my mind.  I had a splitting headache, I hadn’t stopped to get lunch so I was starving, and then I got a call from hubby that he had just checked himself into the hospital.

That day I had driven to the park n ride station and taken a combination of commuter bus and the metro to work.  Hubby had gotten a cab to take him 25 miles from our home to the hospital where his team of medical specialist work.  It was about 5:30pm and I was still at the office.  I would need to catch the metro, then the bus to pick up my car (a 1.5 hour trip), drive the distance to see hubs and then drag my tired carcass back home to work on a submission deadline.

I did the calculations and I just couldn’t find a solution that would make going to see hubby in the hospital work.  He sounded like he was okay… His medical team is very competent; he would be okay by himself overnight. Besides, what would I be doing there to make things any better for him?  I needed sleep, and food, and some Tylenol for my head… I called hubby and explained it all to him and told him I’d come see him after work the following day.

I had just hung up the phone with him when a good friend caught me online.  She asked how we were doing and I gave her a quick rundown…

Me: I’m stressed. I’m okay, but work is a lot right now, and hub’s in the hospital

Friend: oh boo, I’m sorry

Me: thanks love. He just checked himself in. I feel bad cus I’m still at the office, and need to pull an all-nighter– I’m not even sure I’ll be able to see him tonight

Friend: wow

Me: which makes me feel bad… but I’m so tired already, and he’s so far from home

Friend: 😦  Wow – Please can you go see him?

Me: It would be two hours of driving round trip in the traffic, and I kinda need those hours to sleep and/or work on this document… but I need to prioritize my husband over work or sleep, right?

Friend: I understand the challenge. I wish I could be there for you. Yes, please. Please. Remember all those months he was there for you

Me: I have to go home on the bus/train now– get the car, then head out there and then come home and work all night.

Friend:  I know how hard it is

Me: You are right… I’ll stop whining

Friend:  Sorry. Big hug. Go see him fast. Run. He needs you. Sending prayers your way. You’ll find strength somehow as you hop along to go see him. 🙂 big hug

I needed to hear what she had to say at that moment.  I dragged my tired butt home, ate some dinner then drove out to see hubby.  While he was distressed that I had come all the way as tired as I was, by the time I left he said, “I didn’t think you not coming was a big deal, but I actually feel better. I’m glad you came”.  And so was I.

I’m surprised that I almost got it wrong that night. Home life over work life is almost always a no-brainer for me, but almost allowed myself to lose track of what was important. I’m so very grateful to my dear friend who lovingly helped me see what I needed to do.  In the end I slept much better that night than I had most of the rest of the week.  (and hubby’s back home now, and doing better)