A friend of mine is dying. Painfully. From cancer. Dying.
We had been hoping for better results, and she has explored every option possible to fight the disease spreading through her body but it wouldn’t stop. And now we know it will not stop. She will die soon. From this cancer. Oh God.
I think about death a lot. Not in a macabre way, in a matter of fact way. Maybe because my husband has a chronic illness that could kill him. Maybe because i’m just weird like that. But I think about death. How inevitable it is. How final it is. How much I want the people I love to die painlessly at ripe old ages, having known Christ, and having accomplished all that they were placed here to do.
And yet I know it will never happen within my control. My friend is dying now. Quickly. Painfully. Regretfully.
But she is dying gracefully. Today she sent an email letting us know she was shutting down her email account. She loves email and being in touch. It couldn’t have been an easy email to write. Her goodbye. She is making her last waltz on this dance floor with her own little flourishes. She is exuding more calm than I know she feels. She is being stronger than she has to be. In this final hour she is teaching me; much as she’s mentored me since the day we met.
My friend is dying well.